


Thanks for Nothing

by Monobrobe



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Humor, If you haven't seen the leaked clip or trailer you don't want to read this, In which Lars is actually a huge nerd, Post-Episode: s05e04 Lars' Head, San Diego Comic-Con 2017 leaks, Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:03:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monobrobe/pseuds/Monobrobe
Summary: Lars pulls a Sadie and tries to help someone who didn't want help. Not that he could've known that.





	Thanks for Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Again, don't read if you haven't seen the clips from this year's SDCC!

Lapis Lazuli couldn't believe in this planet. Not if it meant getting caught up in another war. Not even Steven or Peridot could persuade her to stay. They tried.

"Earth is our home now,” Peridot said, offering her hand to her barn mate, “isn't that worth fighting for?”

It wasn't. Not for her.

That's why she never looked back from the moment her feet left the ground. The blue Gem kept her eyes forward, watching as the sky darkened from blue to black the further out she went. Before long, she had left the Earth’s atmosphere and found herself surrounded by dazzling lights. It reminded her of the cities Steven showed her.

She shook her head. She wasn't going to turn back. She had to find somewhere to hide. A planet that hadn't yet been occupied by Homeworld. That was easier said than done, of course.

But she wasn't going back.

_Not ever_.

*******

“I can't wait to breathe in that fresh air again!” Lars leaned back into his seat, one leg crossed over the other. “Homeworld’s was so stuffy, I'm surprised you guys could stand it!”

"We don't need to breathe, Lars…” Rhodonite sighed, immediately contradicting herself in Lars' eyes.

Then he realized that explanation raised even more questions about the planet. “Wait, so why is there even air on Homeworld? Why is there enough oxygen for me and Steven to breathe? I don't even remember seeing any plants—“

The captain was interrupted by what seemed to be turbulence. Which also should've been impossible because there's no air in space—

“Captain! We're about to hit someone!” Every now and then, Padparadscha’s “predictions” actually came in handy. Now was one of those times.

“Wait, what's someone doing flying around space? How is that even—“

“It looks like a Gem… Should we bring her in?” Rhodonite interrupted, clearly more concerned about the potential danger this stranger might pose.

Lars took a break from questioning reality to decide what they should do. If this Gem was by herself, perhaps she was also a fugitive? Why else would anyone fly around space without a ship (since apparently that's possible)? “Alright, let's get her on board. If she were a threat, she'd have a ship.”

Turned out it really was a Gem. A Gem’s gem, that is. “Whoops. Guess we destroyed her physical form.” Hopefully she wouldn't be too mad when she reformed. Or, better yet, maybe she wouldn't remember what caused her to poof. “Looks kinda familiar, actually.” It could be Aquamarine, but the size and color were off.

“That's a Lapis Lazuli.” Fluorite drawled.

“What's a Lapis Lazuli doing all the way out here?” Rhodonite asked.

"Maybe she was running from something?” The pink captain suggested. “Like, maybe something happened to the ship she was on, and now she's trying to find somewhere to hide.”

The crew thought it over. Whatever the reason, they still needed to get back to Earth. So, they decided they'd bring the Gem with them. She'd love Earth!

*******

The last thing Lapis remembered was crashing into something. Now, she appeared to be on some sort of ship. But where was that? Panic gripped her. Fearing Homeworld captured her, she fled off the ship.

What she discovered was that she wasn't on Homeworld. No, she was somewhere even _worse_.

"Oh, hey, you reformed!” Oblivious to the warnings of Steven, Connie, and the Crystal Gems, Lars approached Lapis with a wide grin and arms spread just as wide. “Welcome to Earth!”

She launched him into the air with a giant fist of water.

And that was how Lars of the Stars came to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how the B on Lars' report card was either for chemistry or art? Guess which one I chose.


End file.
